Defensive Much?

I got defensive today. Someone said something and I read into it and I took it to an extreme and I got defensive. I knew I was getting defensive because I could feel it. I could quite literally feel the change in my muscles. I felt my neck start to stretch out and my chin rise - like it was trying to distance itself from the rest of me. I felt my head tilt and my eyes squint. I felt my lips purse - not pucker, in a cute little kissy kissy move - but purse in a "ooooooh reaaaaaally?" sort of move. I felt it in my chest - it got tighter, and in my heart - it got faster, and in my stomach - it got hollow. I got defensive. I sure shootin' did.
I know better. Heck, I TEACH better. I've spent hundreds of hours researching and teaching about defensiveness. I know chemically what's happening. I know it's a misfire, a misunderstanding, a misinterpretation in my brain. I know my brain is trying to protect me. I know it thinks I'm in danger and so it's reacting to a perceived threat. I know that getting defensive will only lead me where I most don't want to go. I know defensiveness ruins relationships. I know not one person in the history of forever has ever gotten defensive, reacted, dealt with the fall out and then said "Well, that went really well! Good decision!" I know all of this and still, I got defensive. Even worse, it happened today, on Positive Tuesday.
C'mon me, you know better.
The good news? I didn't REACT defensively. I employed a few techniques I've learned. I asked follow up questions. I listened. I found something, anything, to agree with. I told my brain "open up, open up, open up" and I got out of the conversation as soon as I could. I was safe. I didn't make it worse. Whew. Close one.
But now what? What do I do with all the lingering yuck? Because even though I didn't REACT defensively, I still FELT defensive. And this is the real trick. Not just learning how not to react but learning how to retrain your brain so that a "moment in time" doesn't become "every moment, every time."
So. Now for the application. Once the smoke has cleared on the moment of defensiveness, and you can think a bit more clearly, here are a few things that will keep you and me from cycling back through it all over again:

1. Laugh. You don't have to laugh about the situation, but find something that makes you laugh. Laughing lowers cortisol - the stress hormone. And believe me, the less cortisol you have floating around, the better. Thanks to YouTube and Google, laughter is never far away. Case in point, this seal who yells and then sighs like an old man. Admit it, even if you are angry or upset or defensive, that seal is hilarious.
2. Exercise. Ugh. I get it. But just like laughing, when you exercise, good things happen chemically. Exercise releases serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine - you don't need to know exactly what they do, but trust me, you want as much of these babies as possible. If you're feeling defensive - or any other negativity - go for a walk, do some push ups, shadowbox, whatever. Just get your heart rate up a little and see what happens.
3. Rinse and Repeat - One of the very best ways to get over the lingering feelings of defensiveness is to play out the scenario again and redo your reaction. Sound impossible? It isn't, and it's scientifically proven to help. Best case scenario, ask someone to role play the conversation that sparked your defensive reaction with you but this time, smile throughout the discussion or laugh at just the right moments. You will instantly feel your yucky feelings head for the door. If you can't find someone to play along, repeat the conversation to yourself and redo your reaction. The beauty of this method is you are literally forming new pathways in your brain and teaching it a better way.

Gotta scoot. I've got some redoing to do! (and I'm gonna watch that seal again)
Remember, you are awesome!